Thursday, December 16, 2004

One mumbling asked: what kind of novels are you interested in writing?I began to comment, and it ended up being a post. So, love1another05, here is my response. All others can read it too. It's important to me.
Hmm...novels. I wish I knew where to start. Basically I'd like to deal with people trying to change who they are for love and realizing it's not possible...at least that's my first idea. I like to write about people finding their way and becoming a better person because of it. I guess that's why I liked that post. She was grieving, but she went to work. The memories still haunt her, but she continues to live. I think that makes her a better person because of it. It's difficult to cope and move on, and something in her world clicked at that very moment and sent her to work.
I guess I'm destined to write things with a twist of the melancholy spirit. It's part of who I am, it's Blue. I don't deny my past, but I'm finding ways to continue on...isn't that the point of life? Strength, emotional strength, drives us to be who we are. Physical strength comes into that as well, but only to the extent of getting up from the table, stepping on the bus, and going to work. We live in several worlds simultaneously. Emotional, physical, pyschological, past, present, future all combine to create one day. As a whole, most people are flawed in all of those aspects, but that's what makes humanity such a beautiful thing. Recognition of the flaw, acceptance of it. Those are the things that matter.
Now I just need to take my philosophy, spin a web of tales around it and market it to the world. I'd like to spread my simple message, and that's my next step. Well, The_Boy_Named_Blue finished finals for the semester, so now he's going to take his textbooks back and pack for the long drive home.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Do you ever read a story so sad it hurts? One of my blog friends (I call her a blog friend because I've never talked to her, but I read her blog every day) linked back to this post today. The imagery and the sadness are immense. Don't read this unless you think you can handle it.http://smababy.blogspot.com/2004/03/miscarry-both-hands-i-find-myself-on.html
You know, sometimes the sadness that creeps into my life seems so immense, but things like this make me realize that there is a whole other world of sadness which I hope to never experience. It's strange that such a story could cheer me up during exam week, but I guess it just makes me appreciate the fact that my worries only extend to classes and other activities. I don't have memories like this haunting me. Spring was two seasons ago, but time doesn't pale emotion.

Monday, November 29, 2004

Yeah, so break is over and my life is once again a hectic mess. My computer is broken, my car is on the fritz, and my to do list is staggering...
So what does a boy do? That's a good question. Right now I'm simply festering in my anger at all things technical and contemplating the Amish life...no cars...no computers...just barn raisings. It's official - the Amish are smarter than us. Why else would they deny technological advances? They know that stress is a direct result of crap going wrong - and when you have a lot less to go wrong, well you're just that much less stressed.
I'm sick of it. I guess I need to work on my homework and try to cut down on these depressing events. Wish me luck. It's going to be a long, long winter.

Friday, November 12, 2004

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...except for the fact that it's 1:36 a.m. the night before the MACURH conference. I've been packing and preparing my programs for this weekend long suaree (sp?). Add the factor of yearbook proofs and class strain and it's been quite a stressful week. I'm psyched about surprising my MACURH buddy with more treats and traveling to the wonderful land of Nebraska to celebrate residential life programming.


I'm a nerd, I know. The important thing is that I enjoy what I'm doing. My stress level has evened out as I have now crossed the Rubicon. For those of you unfamiliar with this phrase, I implore you to study the life of Julius Caesar and the story of the First Triumverate. That's right, I don't have to go to Western Civ. tomorrow and once again I refer to the class in my journalistic musings.


BTW, there's nothing so thrilling as seeing your name in print. Credit for writing a story, even if it was about class registration, is amazing. Well, I'm going to take my trash out and then get some sleep before this adventure begins. I'll update Sunday assuming I'm coherent.

Friday, October 22, 2004

Hey all, just thinking about random things right now. I got to thinking about the lives of my parents. When my parents were young than I am now, they were already married. The December before their 20th birthdays (in January and February) they were married. I've been 20 for four months, and Sam is just recently 20. I think that's weird. I'm worried about the wedding, the yearbook, and RHA, but my parents were already living together. In a year and a half from now(about that), if I were following the same path as my parents, I'd have my first child. It just seems strange to me. I love kids. I want kids, but I don't want kids now. I think it would be great, and I really think that I'll make a good father. I guess I'm going through my quarter-life crisis. I guess I'm just tired. It is 2 a.m., but I'm only sort of tired. I guess I have nothing more to post though. Just an odd mood.

Sunday, October 17, 2004

My feet were cold, but now I'm wearing socks, and I feel better. I'm in a weird mood, I might even go so far as to call it foul. It was Tower yearbook work weekend, and I got very little sleep. Right about now I wish that I could sit around and play video games all day. That's what most college guys do, but most college guys aren't journalism majors. Journalism isn't just a major, it's a life commitment. I love deadlines though. I just wish I weren't in a foul mood. If only mental and physical could segregate themselves a little better. Why does stress equal back pain? I'm just complaining now. I'm going to burrow into bed and do my crossword puzzle. I just want to be warm.

Saturday, October 16, 2004

For those of you who are keeping track, I'm on hour number 21 of no sleep. The night that I actually got sleep, I only did so for five hours. It's 5 a.m., and I have to be back in the office in four hours. I also desperately need a shower, and thus I'm not sure I'm going to sleep at all. Did you know that one hour of hypnosis is equal to eight hours of quality sleep? I'm full of energy right now, so I think I might just take a shower, change into running pants and a comfortable T-shirt, and hypnotize myself. That actually gives me some time to sit and relax. Forget sleep, I just want some R&R. Well, I'm going to hop in the shower and then we'll see what happens. Have a good day. My Friday just ended, and Saturday is only a few hours away.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

So I've spent the last hour reading a complete stranger's blog. I plan to return to the site and finish reading after this post. He has over a year's worth of entries, and I enjoy reading them. It's the same kind of loner, offbeat character that I admire in the works of Haruki Murakami. Meaningless sex and a constant search for something better - why do these people interest me? I guess it's because I could never be like that. I think too much about the consequences of my actions. We discussed Buddhism in my Eastern World class, and I heard from an ex-nun who now is a devout Buddhist. It was one of the most thought-provoking things I've seen. People had trouble understanding how she could reject her Christianity and convert, but I was just wondering if I could work up the same passion. If someone were to ask, I would say I'm between religions. I know that there's something greater out there, but I can't cope with all of the contradictions and restrictions of the Christian religion, at least not the fundamentalist view. I guess the radical theologians still appeal to me, but I'm not gung-ho about finding any kind of answer right now anyway. I'm fine going through the motions and winding up my spring. Maybe I'll not bother to wind it some day, but for now I can go through the motions and cope with it. How did this post switch to religion? I don't know. I guess I don't care.
I'm just going through the motions today. I woke up today and seriously thought it was Tuesday. I almost got up and started getting ready for my 9:30 class, until I realized that it's Wed. and I didn't have anything until 10 a.m. Sweet, sweet half hour of sleep. I'm in the process of listening to a self-hypnosis tape that can let me get by on less sleep. It's a way of keeping your brain in the theta and delta brainwave states for the duration of sleep. Some people can sleep for as little as three hours with this technique. I'm still learning, and come 6 a.m., I just turn off the CD and hit the snooze alarm until 9. At least my multivitamins are giving me more energy and I don't feel so listless anymore. It's October, and some of you know what that means. It's time for me to read Norwegian Wood. I have to transition into winter, and the best way to do that is through reading about the demented love triangle in the book. Suicide and apathy - what a way to usher in my least favorite season. But I love the book.
But don't worry, I don't have time to read it right now. Well, I'm going back to my blog reading. Enjoy your evening.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

I can't bring myself to believe in Fate. It just clashes with my belief that my life is not predestined. Serendipity, now there's an idea I can cope with. Samantha always talks about fate that brought us together, and I just wonder, "Isn't that a stretch?" I really cannot see some idea of "fate" leading us together. Does that mean that we're not meant for each other? I would say definitely not. But imagine this if you will. Some people go their whole lives not finding their one true love, but why is that? Does fate really keep people apart? How can one justify an idea that picks and chooses happiness like that? I believe that most people don't see chance as a positive factor in life. Serendipity brings you a situation you weren't really looking for, but it's something that gives and pleases without any predestination. I don't believe that my moving to Michigan was fate, but I do know that I wasn't about to go searching for "the love of my life" at that point. But who knew it was what I needed most? Serendipity stepped in and presented Samantha. Chance, yes? Fate, I wouldn't say so. You've heard of high school sweethearts who marry, right? And also people who don't find someone until much later in life? Serendipity. It doesn't play the same thing for each person. You have to work sometimes for serendipity's full effect, not so with fate. I don't believe that we have things laid in our laps, if so, how do people miss it? No, you always have to be on the lookout for opportunities that arise.Fate? No no, my friend. Serendipity is the force you must drive.