Sunday, August 26, 2007

Somewhere far from nowhere, I grew both strong and tall,
Longing to become, but knowing not the path at all.

I have a friend who went through the whole M.F.A. application process this past year just as I did. The only catch is, she got into one of her top choices with an assistantship. I'm happy for her, but I can't bring myself to talk to her when she comes into Hy-Vee. I'm embarrassed that I wasn't good enough to get in to a school this fall.

It seems failure is something I am growing familiar with. From the outside, one might deny that I am failing at life, but I'm on the inside here. I'm doing nothing related to my degree, stuck in a dismally-paying, unsatisfying job. I don't really write at all anymore because I'm have no motivation to do anything. I know the earliest I can go back is the Fall of 2009, and that's only if I don't fail again.

Somewhere along the line, I'm pretty sure someone pulled a big joke at my expense. As a student, I believed I would succeed in whatever I do, but post-graduation I found out my best chances for a higher-paying job could have been achieved by learning carpentry or some other techincal school skill. With my B.A. I can do jack shit in this town because the only big white collar employer is the university that set me up for this shitty job.

Congrats on your graduation, but stay the fuck away from here. We don't hire our own graduates.

I'm pretty sure that's the fine print on the diploma they supposedly mailed but I never received. I'd care now but it's worth as much as a coaster in this place.

I'm sick of this real world, I want to go back where I'm worth something.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

A summer has almost passed and I have remained mostly silent. I guess that's mainly because I don't have a whole lot to say.